The Operating Manual for the Self tm
The Valued Self
We need to value our self and to feel that value. There are seven components to the valued self:
Self-Awareness: Self-awareness is being aware that we have impact on our world. Through our actions we influence and affect others. We trigger reactions in them. They feel emotions, think thoughts and behave in response. We do not acknowledge our impact until we gain self-awareness. Our impact can be positive or negative.
Self-Worth: Our self-worth is given to us by the fact that we exist as a human being. We are worthy, by definition. You could also say that our self-worth comes to us from God’s love, which is unconditional. There is nothing we have to do to earn self-worth. And, we cannot lose it by our behavior.
Self Esteem: Self-esteem is the love we have for ourselves that we earn. It is earned through our evaluation of our behavior. We evaluate our behavior to see if it lives up to the standards and expectations we have for ourselves, and to see if it is getting us what we want. Self-esteem can be gained, increased or lost. Our first experience of self-esteem comes from the love of our parents which is related to our behavior
Self-Love: Self-love is also given to us by the fact that we exist. It is the love we can give to ourselves, unconditionally. Our first experience of this may be the love given to us by our mother when we are infants. But we must develop this into mature self-love.
Self Confidence: Self-confidence is the feeling that we can cope with the demands of life. Self-confidence has the components of trusting ourselves, hope, courage and humility. Humility keeps self-confidence from being false confidence or over confidence. Humility is recognizing and accepting our limitations.
Self-Respect: Self-respect means honoring our emotions. Honoring means to recognize what we are feeling, to appreciate what we feel, to think about what we are feeling and to act on those feelings as appropriate.
Self-Realization: Self-realization means that we have self-awareness, (awareness of our impact) and that we take responsibility for our actions. Responsibility is the ability to respond to our environment. It is also acknowledging ownership of our actions and their impact. Taking responsibility gives us power because it enables us to see what our impact is. And, we can change only that which we take responsibility for. Self-love enables us to take responsibility. Taking responsibility increases our self-esteem.